Sunday, January 30, 2011

Five hotels to consider for your next Rekall vacation to Mars

Summer is a long way off, but it’s never too early to book your next imaginary vacation to Mars through your local Rekall Incorporated travel agent. With Rekall’s patented extra-factual memory implants, courteous customer service and no hidden fees, now is a great time to plan your escape so you can get your ass to Mars! Here are five hotels you should consider for your next virtual vacation to the Red Planet. Consult the suggested readings for more information.

Emerald Star Hotel

This majestic but expensive jewel is staffed entirely with robots that provide efficient and excellent service. The lobby is a half-acre of moss-gray carpeting, tinted green by the light sifting through the walls of Martian copper-glass, offering vistas of beautiful domed gardens framed by arches. Rooms are more than comfortable and many have banks of windows providing startling rubicund views of the Martian hinterland that holds the area’s sacred enzyme-producing fungi. The hotel’s domed-roof restaurant is famous for its broiled halibut with consommé and stunning views of the Martian sky. Guests seeking serious healing are encouraged to seek out the stinking mud-baths! "Hagerty’s Enzymes" by A. L. Haley (1955)

Hotel of the Republic

Visitors in the area of North Tarog should consider Hotel of the Republic. The domed-ceiling rooms are simple but comfortable, and ports on the south side of the structure provide for a spectacular night-time view across Crystal Canal to the jeweled lights of South Tarog. The hotel grounds are well-kept and feature long, luminous tubes, with sloping red lawns and terraces, and geometrically trimmed shrubs and trees. Hotel guards armed with neuro-pistols insure that undesirables stay confined to the banks of the canal. “The Martian Cabal” by R. F. Starzl (1932)

Mars Hotel

A favorite landing pad for space cadets, Mars Hotel in Atom City is noted for its grandeur. The entrance is a cavernous opening, with ornate glass and sparkling crystal. The lobby is equally opulent, with columns constructed of the clearest crystal, and soft, lustrous, deep-pile rugs made of Venusian jungle grass. Don’t be intimidated with the selection of nearly 2,000 rooms spanning more than 200 floors. Photo-slides at the main desk will help you decide which room is best for your visit. Stand by for Mars by Carey Rockwell (1952)

Red Thunder Hotel

Twenty stories high, Red Thunder Hotel is the tallest and most impressive freestanding building in Thunder City. It’s a first-class establishment, built by the family that use to manage the old Marineris Hyatt, the first hotel on Mars, before it was converted into a museum. Most of the rooms provide a nice vista of hotel row, which is a long line of whimsical towers and attached pleasure domes that reminds a lot of visitors of the Las Vegas Strip back on Earth. There is also a large gym, where guests are encouraged to exercise to offset low gravity. Like most hotels on Mars, Red Thunder Hotel has an underground pressure shelter as the last line of defense against blowouts. One notable policy among many: Red Thunder Hotel does not allow groups of vacationing college students to share a single room. Red Lightning by John Varley (2006)

The Empress of Mars

For the finest in Martian hospitality, the tourist has only one real choice: Ares’ premiere hotel -- The Empress of Mars in Mars Two, founded by turn-of-the-century pioneer Mary Griffith and still managed by her family today. Enjoy five-star cuisine in the Empress’s unique Mitsubishi Room, or discover the delights of a low-gravity hot spring sauna! “The Empress of Mars” by Kage Baker (2003)

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